SeekingSolace[dot]Net

Well, I think my time in the personal blog arena may be over for a while.  I haven’t had a real update on this blog in a very long time, and I’m not really interested in keeping a blog going for the purposes of filling out annoying surveys when I’m bored.

I’ll be keeping the domain name, and I’ll probably start up a new blog in the very near future detailing my plans, preparations and activities in regards to my year of teaching in China.  I’m currently looking for a good wordpress theme for that specifically.

I guess I feel like there’s no real need for me to keep old blog posts about this or that boyfriend or this or that crappy job that I hate.  My honeymoon with “public diary writing” is long over.  I’ll probably have a professional blog when I’m a teacher, and maybe a knitting blog when I feel a little more proficient.  But there’s no reason to keep record of the blathering nonsense of my late teens and early twenties.

This is a common theme in my life; I just found some old diaries, and instead of making me feel nostalgic or “treasuring” a time when I was naive and innocent, it just made me feel like a moron who still has a long way to go.  Erika said, “Well, at least you can see how far you’ve come,” but it didn’t feel like that.  I didn’t even keep regular diary entries; I only wrote things when I was particularly insecure or angry.  There’s no real value in that, I think.  I think the real value is the woman I’ve grown into; I’m braver now (at least, I think I am…let’s see if I actually get on that plane to Hong Kong next August…).  I’m more “together” and organized…I’m more dedicated to the things I want to do (look at my GPA, for goodness’ sake…who would have imagined that I’d get grades like this?).  I’m getting a worldview and I’m starting to like it.

I didn’t burn my diaries or anything; I’m not that detached from my teenage self.  But I’m not necessarily sure they’ll be worth keeping in storage when I get back from China and find a place to move and settle into.  I’ve got my photo albums and keepsakes from high school and college; I don’t necessarily need random babbles to fill in the happy pictures with glum shadows.  And I think that finally graduating in May will really put me in a different place.  I feel it coming.  And I have hope for who I’m going to be.  I think I’m going to forgo the New Years’ resolutions this year for some post-graduation resolutions.  Things like taking more pictures, going more places, learning more languages.

Ultimately, I’m feeling some insecurities starting to shed away, and I no longer feel the need to jot down my bad days or my social inadequacies.  At this point, graduation is inevitable.  With the grades I am certain to get this semester, I will be graduating in May with at least a Theatre Design/Production degree, come hell or high water.  Student teaching, therefore, is just part of the grand experiment.  I may get in front of a classroom and love it.  I may hate it.  But I’m going to do it and learn from it and go from there.  And suddenly, the knowledge that I’m going to graduate and actually finally pass this milestone in my life means that I’m an okay person.  I am someone who is more than capable of accomplishing things; I’m capable of excelling at things.  I didn’t just go back to college and graduate.  I’ve gone back to college and I’m kicking its ass.

That being said, it has become extremely unimportant to me to live a conventional life.  All my life, up until about a year and a half ago, whatever career I chose, whatever major I chose, whatever classes I took, all were secondary to the endgame: marriage, kids, family.  It was more tangible sometimes than others; mostly depending on whether or not I was in a relationship.  I would think, “Well, I’ll move to California…and then I’ll find someone.”  Or, “We’ll move to California and settle down.”  Or, “Okay, I can’t teach in California, so I’ll go to Atlanta…I’m sure I’ll find someone there.”  It didn’t even have to be a conscious thought; it was always just an assumption.

But suddenly, I find myself single for a year and a half, which is the longest I’ve been single since 2000.  And I’m going to move back to the suburbs in January, then to China in August (with a possible trip to Greece for several weeks next summer), then I’ll be moving to Atlanta.  I used to think that this was an acceptable plan with the flexibility to be cancelled “in case” I found someone.  I used to tell myself, “Well, I’m not going to look for a boyfriend because of all this traveling,” as a way to convince myself that it was okay to be single because I have all these plans.  Now the possibility of “finding someone” is no longer a necessity, because I’ve found me.

I’ve learned that the Katie I really want to be is not a wife and mother who other people depend on so she can feel validated and useful.  Instead, the Katie I really want to be is someone who sees as much of the world as she possibly can, spreads the joy and humanity of theatre, and gets in touch with her global community and history.  None of that stuff requires a significant other or children.  But it does validate me and make me feel useful, without being dependent on another person.

Besides, I’ve got a niece to spoil to pieces, and if I become a teacher, I’ll have plenty of people who depend on me.

Interesting how I came here to write a post about shutting down the blog and then I write one of the longest blog posts I’ve ever come up with.

Look for contact information as I start to whittle down the ways I can be found on the internet to be the most useful and beneficial to me.  I’ll keep updating this blog as I work through this process, and probably deleting very old, inane posts.  I’ll probably at least blog a little through student teaching and graduation.  We’ll see.

Please, feel free to comment.  I do, in fact, miss hearing from everyone.

I’ve finally figured out the argument between government help (aka hand-holding) and individualism (aka abandonment). I took a survey a few weeks ago about retirement. It was sent from the College of Business to all business and education majors. One of the questions read, “During employment, it is my responsibility to learn about how to fund my retirement.” You were supposed to rate somewhere on a scale of five choices from agree to do not agree. The next question said, “It is my employer’s responsibility to tell me how to fund my retirement.” And then I thought to myself, “Shouldn’t we all be doing something about it?”

Theoretically, most people will be in one camp vs. the other. It’s either our job to figure it out (abandonment/individualism) or our boss’ job to tell us (hand-holding/help). Obviously, I don’t know the results of the survey, and maybe that’s not true. Also, those questions were embedded in a lot of other ones, but none of the other ones really had the tone of “whose responsibility it is” like those two did.

I guess, ultimately, my response to this is, why aren’t we all working together to make sure no one gets left out in the cold during retirement? Why aren’t we as individuals doing our own research and figuring out how to save for retirement, and why aren’t our employers doing everything they can to make sure their employees are provided for? It oughtn’t be one or the other. Shouldn’t this be something we all solve, instead of pointing fingers and deciding whose job it really is to do it? Isn’t it everybody’s job?

I mean, look at welfare. People in group A, who see welfare as hand-holding, typically feel that people who don’t work hard come with their pockets inside-out looking for handouts so they don’t have to work for it. People in group B, who see welfare as a way to help people, typically feel that these people are generally hard-working, but are in a bad way and need some help. To abolish welfare, according to group A, would lead to greater personal responsibility and individualism, and people learning to take care of themselves rather than depending on anyone. According to group B, it’s abandonment.

Well, what about when people on welfare can’t get jobs because of discrimination or a downturn in the economy or lack of job opportunities? So no matter how hard they work at getting a job, they can only get a few hours, or can only get a poorly-paying job? I know these are old arguments given by the left for keeping welfare…bear with me.

Shouldn’t it be everybody’s job to make sure that everyone in our country is taken care of? No, I’m not advocating “handouts,” as they’re called disparagingly. I’m advocating government programs that make it possible for those on the lowest socioeconomic rung of the American ladder to get steady employment at a fair and reasonable wage, and welfare to support them until they get that job and can take care of themselves. I’m advocating better, more complicated answers to the complicated problems of today. It’s not binary. It’s not a handout vs. abandonment.

Political issues need to be looked at as a continuum. Life is not black and white (or blue and red, as the party system would lead you to believe). There are answers in the middle. There are answers that provide for our citizens through hard times or retirement or poor health, without making the entire country dependent on handouts from the government. And it’s everyone’s responsibility to fix these problems, so that everyone is entitled to reap the rewards of the solutions.

I don’t know if this has made a lot of sense, but I’d be really interested to hear everyone’s opinions.

This is reposted from my account on ThisIsBy.Us. If you like it, please register for an account, and vote for my post/comment on it. My username is SlytherinPrefect, you can just search for me on the site, and it’s my most recent post. Thanks.

Let me preface my story with this:

I work at school, as a student worker for the IT department of the College of Arts and Sciences. Essentially, when I’m not in class, I’m at work. I live and breathe my campus (while having nothing to do with the school spirit/homecoming attitude). I am 25 years old. This is my 7th year of college. It is also my third college and my fourth and fifth majors. When I graduate in 2009 at the ripe old age of 27, I will have a double major, a double minor, a bachelor of science degree, a teaching certification, and a hell of a strong desire to move out of the Midwest forever.

On with the story.

I was walking from my office down the hall to my boss’s office with my empty coffee mug, about to fill it up with hot water for my raspberry cocoa. I went towards the door, past some guys who were standing around waiting for a class to start. It seemed they were having a discussion about women, and it seemed that the discussion was funny, because they were laughing as I approached. As I passed, one of them said, “If you meet a woman who’s 25 and she DOESN’T have a kid, she’s got a whole different set of issues. You don’t even know what you’re getting, there.” And all three of them laughed again.

If I had punched him in the face with my right hand (which is my dominant hand), he would not have gotten a faceful of fist, but a healthy dose of coffee mug to the eyeball. I breathed in, deeply, breathed out, and kept walking. I entered my boss’s office, got the hot water, and stirred my cocoa. I left his office and walked past the three guys, who were laughing at something else. I heard no other conversation at this point.

I cannot believe that someone can honestly consider a woman who is 25 and childless to be defective somehow. Men talk about the baggage of single mothers (which is a shame, as well), but apparently, if we wait too long (25?!?!) to have children, there’s something wrong with us as well. And hearing that comment in passing, I felt inadequate and judged. What must that guy’s girlfriend or wife feel like, if he has one or has ever had one?

We are so judgmental as people. Others are always wrong, and we are always right. The way we are is normal, and the way we are not is weird. Being someone who was considered an outsider in school because I was smart and didn’t follow trends, I know what “weird” feels like. “Weird” feels like Hans just told you the class was going to elect you president, and you fall for it because you are that desperate for someone to like you. “Weird” feels like not raising your hand in class, even though you know the answer, because the kid behind you makes fun of you when you do. “Weird” feels like taking a guy from another school to your Turnabout only to watch him spend the whole night hitting on all the prettier girls in the entire school. “Weird,” up until today, has never felt like having both breasts and a brain was wrong.

I’ve been a feminist for a little while now. I’m new to the movement and still working out what I agree with and what I don’t agree with. One of my teachers is a hardcore feminist from the start of the movement and she has made her opinions known many times. Our department did a car smash to raise money, and this teacher told our student organization that a car smash was “such a male thing to do,” and that women would “get into it because all women want to be like men!” I was aghast. Now the feminist is telling me how I should or should not be a woman. She also seems to think that I’m a mindless zombie doing whatever society tells me is right without thinking about it first. Nevermind the fact that I wrote a non-traditional theatre piece about women’s self-hatred at the beginning of the year and staged it in a bathroom, and got 70 people (half men) to come to the show and be exposed to women’s issues. The hypocrisy was like a knife in the back.

I mentioned my piece about women’s self-hatred, and I do have an understanding of women’s issues and how we very frequently feel as though we are required to be one way or another. But until I heard that comment today, I have never been slapped in the face with my gender. I have been exceedingly lucky to have male friends who are sensitive and respectful. I have only dated men who have been respectful to women. Maybe that comes with the territory of being nerds. We’ve been on the abuse end of the stick, so we don’t abuse others. One of my exes used to say that Star Trek was the great equalizer. To paraphrase him, “Have you ever seen a truly hardcore Star Trek fan who’s a racist? Not likely, because the show is all about the prime directive…no interference with other civilizations.” And according to Wikipedia, “the Prime Directive forbids any involvement with a civilization without the expressed consent or invitation of the lawful leaders of that society, and absolutely forbids any involvement whatsoever in the internal politics of a civilization.” [1]

Point is, we nerds get it. We know what oppression means on certain levels. But being made to feel defective because I am not someone’s definition of the perfect woman is shameful. No, I don’t have to take it personally (and I didn’t punch the guy, so I couldn’t have taken it that personally), but someone eventually will. And making a woman feel as though she’s inferior because she hasn’t fulfilled her “duties” as a woman in our society may be the final straw that breaks that woman’s spirit.

I swear, the rest of the Dragon*Con pics are coming! It’s slow going. Meantime, Erika sent me this in email, so I’m going to fill it out here.

1. What do you have in the back seat of your car?
Nothing! It’s clean! For once!

2. When was the last time you threw up?
End of June.

3. What’s your favorite curse word?
Frack.

4. Name one person who made you smile today?
No one, but I haven’t really talked to a lot of people. It’s still early.

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Showering.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Sitting at my desk, waiting for a program to install on a Mac for a faculty member.

7. If you could marry any celebrity today who would it be?
Johnny Depp. Though, honestly, I could list at least 12.

8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
No.

9. What is the last thing you said aloud?
“Okay,” to my boss. He asked me to let him know when a program was done installing.

10. What is the best ice cream flavor?
Mississippi Mudd.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Raspberry and Chocolate Hot Cocoa. I’m going to have some more as soon as I’m done with this survey.

12. What are you wearing right now?
A light blue dress with dark blue polka dots, brown flats, a gray sweater, and an off-white Old Navy fleece jacket.

13. What was the last thing you ate?
Raisin bread with cream cheese. Luckily, I have not had to murder Erika yet, as she has not tried to eat any of it.

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
The dress I’m wearing, and two shirts.

15. When was the last time you ran?
My freshman year at FSU. I went to the health center and ran a mile. Like actually ran it. And I didn’t die or anything. I really wish I’d kept that up.

16. What’s the last sporting event you watched?
The Padres/Dodgers game in San Diego.

17. Last movie you saw in theaters?
The Simpsons Movie.

18. Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace?
Brandon, to tell him he needs to record a song for me before he leaves.

19. Ever go camping?
Yeah, I used to all the time.

20. Were you ever an honor roll student in school?
A long time ago. Grade school was probably the last time, maybe Jr. High.

21. Do you like sushi?
I love it.

22. Do you have a tan?
Sort of. I have naturally olive skin from being a swarthy Greek. But sometimes it’s pretty light.

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
If it’s a fountain drink.

25. Are you in love?
No.

26. Are you someone’s best friend?
Numerous people, as far as I can tell.

28. Where is your mom right now?
Probably at work, fixing people’s computers.

30. What color is your watch?
I don’t have a watch. I need to get a new one.

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
The Rescuers Down Under, The Crocodile Hunter, “Ding dong goes the dingo!” from Jason Economus’ O.C. my junior year

32. Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
Yeah, lots of times. I love roller coasters.

33.What is your birthstone?
Garnet.

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
Usually drive-thru.

35. What is your favorite number?
17

36. Do you have a dog?
No, but I have had them in the past.

43. What does your first memory of your sister involve?
I don’t have a sister. So N/A, I guess.

44. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
U.S. History homework. I don’t think I should have to do three writing assignments every week for a 100-level class that only meets twice. It’s just too much, and I keep falling asleep in my books or during the movies I’m supposed to be watching.

45. Last phone call?
Erika, asking me to make her a margarita for when she got home. Oh, except I got a message from Student Health Services today, too, about insurance information. But I don’t think that counts.

46. Are you allergic to anything?
Sometimes pollen, but very very mildly.

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
Chucks.

48. What is one thing you’ve learned about life recently?
I’ve learned how to stop prolonging my misery. Now, putting it into practice may be easier said than done, but we’ll see.

49. Are you jealous of anyone?
People who aren’t in U.S. History.

50. Is anyone jealous of you?
Unlikely.

51. Do You own an iPod?
Yesh.

52. Do any of your friends have children?
No. Unless you count Rae’s dogs. But my brother and sister-in-law are expecting at the end of January.

54. What do you work as?
Student worker in the IT department at the College of Arts and Sciences, and seamstress at a bridal shop.

55. Do you hate anyone right now?
I’d like to think that I don’t actually hate anyone.

58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
26.

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Yeah, I should go again soon.

60. How did you get one of your scars?
I have three scars with decent stories. One, on the front of my shin, is from shaving when I was like…14. I sliced my leg open and didn’t notice until later, and you can totally still tell where it happened. Another, I was skateboarding (which was not a common activity for me) and I hit a wire in the street and flew off, did a 180 in the air and skidded on my elbow. The first one I ever had was where I got hit in the face with a rusty shovel that some kids had dug out of a creek and were sliding down a playground slide. I was really little. My dad, the eternal hockey player, just put a butterfly bandage on it. Awesome. Though I think that scar gets a little harder to see every year.

————————————-

1. Do you wear a name tag at work?
No, thank God.

2. What kind of car do you drive?
2003 Hyundai Accent 2-door hatchback.

3. What do you order when you go to Taco Bell?
3 Tacos Supreme meal, hard shell

4. Have you ever had a garage sale?
Yeah, lots of times.

5. Is/was your best friend a cheerleader?
No, but Kimmy was in Poms in Jr. High.

6. What is your best friend’s favorite color to decorate with?
Do “Hanson Posters” and “Stuffed Animals” count as colors? Kimmy also likes blue, so she might decorate in those colors. Erika likes blue and brown, she decorates in those colors a lot. I don’t know so much about Tim. He doesn’t really decorate in colors.

7. What’s the most unique thing you have in your room?
A collector’s trading card with a piece of Chief Galen Tyrol’s flight suit in it. By nature, that’s probably the most unique thing.

8. What’s your mom’s mom’s name?
Angeline.

9.Do your bed sheets match your room?
Now they do! I bought some solid ones to match the color scheme in my room.

10. What’s the color scheme?
Green/black/white. It’s sort of Asian-themed.

11. What kind of cell phone do you have?
LG something or other.

12. What color is your iPod?
White.

13.. What kind of dog do you have?
I don’t have a dog, I have two ratties.

14. Have your older brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?
No, they haven’t.

15. What is your favorite key chain on your keys?
The Strong Badia Stop Sign

16.Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear?
Yeah, my mom and Kimmy for sure. Someone else may have.

17. What DVD is in your DVD player?
Fraggle Rock Season 2 Disc 4.

18. What’s something fun you did today?
Costume Design class is always fun. I enjoy that. I’ve also been walking around with my headphones on blasting awesome music. Does that count?

19. Who was the principal of your high school?
Dr. Jack Elliott, who tried to set me up with his son once. Ah, memories. Seriously, you’d think having the principal as your small group chaperone in New Orleans would suck. You would be wrong. Dr. Jack Elliott was awesome.

20. Has your house ever been TP’d?
Haha, yeah, and once by me. Oh, me and my high school friends were completely ridiculous.

21. What are you listening to right now?
Nothing. I’m in my office. I wish I had a way to hook up my iPod right now, but alas. I WAS listening to “Show Me” by Cham Pain on the way into the office.

22.. What is your favorite aisle at Wal-Mart?
Back in the day, the fabric aisle, but that is no longer extant. *shakes fist at Wal-Mart* CURSE YOU! Where will I get $1 fabric now?!?!

23.. When is your mom’s birthday?
March 9th

24. When is your dad’s birthday?
November 12th

25.. What’s the area code for your cell phone?
309

26. What did you get for valentine’s day?
Nothing.

27. Where did you buy the shirt you’re wearing now?
Dress. And I bought it at Bergner’s.

28. Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror?
Worry beads from Greece (which are sorely drained of color due to constant sun exposure) and a little angel that used to hang in my Grandma Adele’s car.

29. Favorite class last year?
History of Chinese Civilization, and Theatre History.

30. How many states in the US have you been to?
27 (if you count D.C.)

31. Which ones?
Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, New Mexico, New York, South Dakota, Ohio, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, Washington D.C., Wisconsin.

32. What kind of milk do you drink?
Skim.

33 What are you going to do after this?
Work some more, then I have two more classes today, one of which is horrible, and the other of which is fabulous.

34. Who was the last person you went shopping with?
Erika on Saturday, for the Halloween party and our costumes.

35 What is your favorite fruit?
Plums or cherries or peaches or apricots or pears or raspberries. No such thing as one favorite fruit.

36 What about your favorite dessert?
Chocolate Rush from Friday’s (R.I.P.).

37 What is something you need to go shopping for?
Nothing right now. Except maybe milk.

38. Do you have the same name as one of your relatives?
Similar names to my aunts Kathy and Sue. Though my brother and two of my cousins either have dated, are currently dating, or married a Katie of some kind or another. We call my brother’s girlfriend “Dave’s Katie,” which is cute.

39. What is your mom’s mom’s maiden name???
Sarelas.

40. Do you like pickles?
Yes. Especially sweet and sour pickles.

41. How about olives?
Yeeeees, so much. Kalamata olives in particular, but also black olives and manzanilla olives.

42. What is your favorite kind of gum?
Orbit Raspberrymint

43. What is your favorite kind of juice?
Orange, apple, or grapefruit. I’ve also trained myself to drink excessive amounts of cranberry juice if necessary.

44. Do you have any tan lines?
Yeah, on my shoulders. I think next summer I’m just going to go strapless the whole time, if I can manage it. I hate big strap/halter tan lines.

45. What hospital were you born in?
Northwest Community Hospital in Arlington Heights, IL

46. Do you remember the name of your kindergarten teacher?
Ms. Lyons.

47. What bank do you go to?
ISU Credit Union or Chase

48. Do you have someone in your life that you want to be with?
No.

49. Do you have a friend you secretly want to have no strings sweaty sex with?
No.

50. At your funeral, what would you want people to remember you most for?
Helping others and/or being a revolutionary. Fabulous costume designs. :P

Man, do I love this layout. It’s just so pretty. Anyway, I changed the layout (doi). Hope you guys like it. For those of you not on my email list, here’s the most recent update I sent out:

Hi-ho!

I hope everyone’s first month of 2007 has gone well! Mine certainly has.

I got a second job at the Meijer deli this month. I’m going into my third week there, and I like it quite a bit (which is as surprising to me as it is to everyone else!).

The pretty big news for this month is that I got asked to perform in ISU’s performance of The Vagina Monologues, which goes up February 23-25. When I get exact dates and times, I’ll let everyone know. The Vagina Monologues is a compilation of many women’s stories about their sexuality and womanhood, and is a show all about empowerment. I really wanted to be in the show last year but was not cast. I didn’t even audition this year, but someone dropped out and the producers thought of me and offered me the part. I would love for everyone to come, but BE WARNED…you may hear some things come out of my mouth that you probably never thought you would! It’s a great show, though, so I’d love to see as many people there as possible. As always, the apartment is open for any visitors!

In other news, I’ve decided to seriously look at moving to California when I graduate. To that end, I am planning a trip to San Diego (along with L.A. and San Francisco) with my pal Dan, and possibly Kim, Tim and Erika (if any of them can make it/afford it). We’ll probably be going in the summer sometime. Despite the fact that I still have two and a half years until I graduate, I figure it’s better to lay down plans now and find out if I actually LIKE San Diego before it’s too close to graduation.

I can’t really think of any other big exciting news, I’m just working my butt off at everything right now! Everyone wish me luck in the Vagina Monologues and I’ll let you know when the show is as soon as I find out!

Always,
Katie

If you’re not on the email list and you want to be, either email me or post a comment to this post and I’ll add you.

Some of them are old, some of them are new, but everytime I add photos from here on out, I’ll refresh this post so it’s at the top of the post list.

Every photo you could ever want to see:

Random Pics Album

Last Night at Timber Lake Album

Peter Mulvey - August 2006

Random Dragon*Con Pics Album

Zombie Adventures!! Album

Jedi Album

Yule Ball Album

Ruby Slippers Album

Fun in the Costume Shop Album

The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe Album

TLP Drag Show 2006 Album

Mock Prom 2006 Album

Wear Anything But Clothes Party Album

Early Photos Album

The actors are leaving tomorrow.

We had techie cabaret last night, where tech staff performs for the actors, and it was pretty darn awesome. I had a solo, which everyone said I rocked out. I was pretty proud of it. I wish someone had taken video instead of just stills. I also wrote a song, which a lot of people liked.

After techie cab, Ella (one of the actresses) and I went for a very long walk, just hanging out and talking about everything that popped into our heads. We have a lot in common, and a lot not in common. Honestly, I just hope she doesn’t forget me. I feel like we bonded completely. Same goes for Abby (also one of the actresses). I’m a little bummed that it took all season for me and the cast to warm up to each other, because that means it’ll be easier for us to not keep in contact, but I guess it’s better than not warming up at all. Ben told me last week that he wanted me to follow him around and be his personal dresser. Honestly, it’s one of the sweetest things anyone’s ever said to me.

The costume shop has had a rough summer. I think the cast likes me a hell of a lot better than the staff does, mainly because of the bad image the costume shop has with the staff. I know we’re not very good, but Greta and I are brand new at this and it’s a little disheartening to feel like nobody on camp cares about us at all. Obviously, that’s changing a little with the cast now, but again, they’re leaving tomorrow, so fat lot of good that does us.

Anyway, enough feeling left out. It’ll be back down to crew and the five-person cast for Ain’t Misbehavin’ tomorrow, and maybe we’ll get close again like we were for the first few days of the summer before the cast showed up.

And then, it’s just three more days until our contracts are up, and I’ll be home Friday. I’m not going to lie, I’m so excited. I can’t wait to get back to the way things were, and get back to school.

And then two weeks later: DRAGON*CON! So excited to see Jason and Chris and Julius and David! Things are gonna ROCK.

Okay, I so needed to be in bed four hours ago. Night, everyone.

You guys are going to get so spoiled with me updating so much in the past few days.

Anyway, I finished the ruby slippers at 7:15am. I think it was worth it, they look pretty incredible. And no, Erika, I’m not going to sleep. I have to drive to Sterling to go shopping. I’ll sleep…um…later.

Below is the link to the pictures of the slippers. They don’t look movie-exact, but they read beautifully on stage.

Ruby slipper gallery.

As always, comments and critiques are encouraged.

Here is my hand, post ruby slippers, click on the picture to see it full-sized:

Once the shoes are completely done, with bows and stuff, I’ll post pictures of them. Trust me when I say they are awesome. I rarely compliment myself, but this time, I think I deserve it.

I’ve been reading through the archives of my blog tonight, mainly just to pass the time while I get tired enough to crash. It’s very interesting. You think that when you get older, your maturing process slows down, but it seems that even from the start of these archives (2003) until now, I’ve grown up so much. Hell, I feel like I’ve grown up so much since March/April of this year, and I haven’t even updated that much. It’s just interesting. Doing the “backwards math” it seems like I must have had an IQ of 23 six years ago.

I know a lot of that doesn’t make sense, but I am a bit loopy after a long day.

I was working until 5am today, then I slept and worked from noon-ish to 9. I’ll be going to bed soon, and waking up at 9:30, then possibly working all day and all night. Oz is a really big show, let me reiterate.

I guess looking through the archives made me ‘thinky’ and just a bit nostalgic. But I also have this refreshing sense of “I am WAY over that.” I feel like stuff that was so huge a few months ago is just nonsense now. Even that crushing desire for a 4.0 (though I’m sure it’ll return once school kicks into gear again)…I read through those posts and based on the writing quality alone, it seems like I was 12.

I feel very free right now, despite all the stress of working this summer stock. To use the old cliché, like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I am over it. And on to the next stage of my life.

Anyway, I don’t have much else to say (and I know I’m not making a lot of sense anyway), so I’m going to head to bed. Sleep well, everyone. I’m sure I will.