I’ll be keeping the domain name, and I’ll probably start up a new blog in the very near future detailing my plans, preparations and activities in regards to my year of teaching in China.  I’m currently looking for a good wordpress theme for that specifically.

I guess I feel like there’s no real need for me to keep old blog posts about this or that boyfriend or this or that crappy job that I hate.  My honeymoon with “public diary writing” is long over.  I’ll probably have a professional blog when I’m a teacher, and maybe a knitting blog when I feel a little more proficient.  But there’s no reason to keep record of the blathering nonsense of my late teens and early twenties.

This is a common theme in my life; I just found some old diaries, and instead of making me feel nostalgic or “treasuring” a time when I was naive and innocent, it just made me feel like a moron who still has a long way to go.  Erika said, “Well, at least you can see how far you’ve come,” but it didn’t feel like that.  I didn’t even keep regular diary entries; I only wrote things when I was particularly insecure or angry.  There’s no real value in that, I think.  I think the real value is the woman I’ve grown into; I’m braver now (at least, I think I am…let’s see if I actually get on that plane to Hong Kong next August…).  I’m more “together” and organized…I’m more dedicated to the things I want to do (look at my GPA, for goodness’ sake…who would have imagined that I’d get grades like this?).  I’m getting a worldview and I’m starting to like it.

I didn’t burn my diaries or anything; I’m not that detached from my teenage self.  But I’m not necessarily sure they’ll be worth keeping in storage when I get back from China and find a place to move and settle into.  I’ve got my photo albums and keepsakes from high school and college; I don’t necessarily need random babbles to fill in the happy pictures with glum shadows.  And I think that finally graduating in May will really put me in a different place.  I feel it coming.  And I have hope for who I’m going to be.  I think I’m going to forgo the New Years’ resolutions this year for some post-graduation resolutions.  Things like taking more pictures, going more places, learning more languages.

Ultimately, I’m feeling some insecurities starting to shed away, and I no longer feel the need to jot down my bad days or my social inadequacies.  At this point, graduation is inevitable.  With the grades I am certain to get this semester, I will be graduating in May with at least a Theatre Design/Production degree, come hell or high water.  Student teaching, therefore, is just part of the grand experiment.  I may get in front of a classroom and love it.  I may hate it.  But I’m going to do it and learn from it and go from there.  And suddenly, the knowledge that I’m going to graduate and actually finally pass this milestone in my life means that I’m an okay person.  I am someone who is more than capable of accomplishing things; I’m capable of excelling at things.  I didn’t just go back to college and graduate.  I’ve gone back to college and I’m kicking its ass.

That being said, it has become extremely unimportant to me to live a conventional life.  All my life, up until about a year and a half ago, whatever career I chose, whatever major I chose, whatever classes I took, all were secondary to the endgame: marriage, kids, family.  It was more tangible sometimes than others; mostly depending on whether or not I was in a relationship.  I would think, “Well, I’ll move to California…and then I’ll find someone.”  Or, “We’ll move to California and settle down.”  Or, “Okay, I can’t teach in California, so I’ll go to Atlanta…I’m sure I’ll find someone there.”  It didn’t even have to be a conscious thought; it was always just an assumption.

But suddenly, I find myself single for a year and a half, which is the longest I’ve been single since 2000.  And I’m going to move back to the suburbs in January, then to China in August (with a possible trip to Greece for several weeks next summer), then I’ll be moving to Atlanta.  I used to think that this was an acceptable plan with the flexibility to be cancelled “in case” I found someone.  I used to tell myself, “Well, I’m not going to look for a boyfriend because of all this traveling,” as a way to convince myself that it was okay to be single because I have all these plans.  Now the possibility of “finding someone” is no longer a necessity, because I’ve found me.

I’ve learned that the Katie I really want to be is not a wife and mother who other people depend on so she can feel validated and useful.  Instead, the Katie I really want to be is someone who sees as much of the world as she possibly can, spreads the joy and humanity of theatre, and gets in touch with her global community and history.  None of that stuff requires a significant other or children.  But it does validate me and make me feel useful, without being dependent on another person.

Besides, I’ve got a niece to spoil to pieces, and if I become a teacher, I’ll have plenty of people who depend on me.

Interesting how I came here to write a post about shutting down the blog and then I write one of the longest blog posts I’ve ever come up with.

Look for contact information as I start to whittle down the ways I can be found on the internet to be the most useful and beneficial to me.  I’ll keep updating this blog as I work through this process, and probably deleting very old, inane posts.  I’ll probably at least blog a little through student teaching and graduation.  We’ll see.

Please, feel free to comment.  I do, in fact, miss hearing from everyone.

[2] What color is your mailbox?
Silver

[3] Are you available?
No, I am not.

[4] Have you ever hit a deer?
Nope.

[5] Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home?
Home to the parents’ house? Yes. Home to the apartment? No.

[16] Are you taller than your mom?
Hahahahaha, yes.

[17] What word do you say the most when your tickled?
I don’t get tickled. It doesn’t work for me.

[18] Are you a Christian?
No.

[19] What do you do to get over a broken heart?
Cry, typically.

[20] Do you enjoy writing in colored pens?
Hell yes. My obsession with red pens is how I knew I wanted to be a teacher.

[21] Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My back.

[22] Do you often cry during a movie?
Not often, no.

[23] Last text message you received?
I don’t remember.

[24] Who sent it?
See above.

[25] Do you hate your life?
No.

[26] Do you get mad easily?
Not really.

[28] What is your biggest pet peeve?
People who talk about your relationship as if they know what’s going on in it. And people who don’t know how to speak English when it’s clearly their native language. Especially people who don’t know how to use English on the computer, like suddenly the rules of the language don’t apply anymore. Do U NO what I SAYIn’?!?! LOLOLOL!11!!!!!

[29] Are you cold?
Always. That’s why I need to move to California.

[30] Do any of your friends have kids?
No. Erika’s sister does, but I never really see her.

[31] Do you know anyone that is pregnant right now?
No.

[32]Who should pay on the first date?
You should go on the assumption that you’re going dutch.

[33] How many years older than you are you willing to date?
Probably only a few years, though it doesn’t apply right now.

[34] Do you have any friends of the opposite sex?
Yes.

[35] Do you have any mean friends?
Not really. I let go of the last really mean friend I had three years ago. Good riddance.

[36] What is the ugliest color in your opinion?
Purple.

[37] Have you ever liked someone who all your friends couldn’t stand?
Nobody liked John when I was dating him. I’ve been told in retrospect that people have hated my ex-boyfriends. So far everybody seems to like Justin.

[38] Have you ever felt like driving off a cliff, seriously?
Oh, Gods, no.

[40] Do you scratch your ears?
Only when they itch, like Rae.

[41] Who was the last person to hug you?
Justin. Who just hugged me right this minute so he’d be the most recent.

[42] What brand are the pant/jeans you’re wearing right now?
Old Navy! W00t, awesome semi-cords!

[44] What is the closest green object?
My pants! W00t!

[45] What is on your feet?
Nothing but nail polish. And Justin’s feet.

[46] If you were born the opposite sex, what would your parents name you?
I have no idea.

[47] If you could go back to any time period when would it be?
I refuse to choose only one. Ancient Greece, Jerusalem in the Crusades, Medieval Europe, Elizabethan England, 1940s America or Germany, 1960s America.

[48] Do you want to have kids?
No, because my boyfriend will warp them permanently and then end up eating them.

[49] What is the brightest color you’re wearing?
Pink on my undies.

[50] Who is the friend you have that you would never have thought you’d have?
Erika, actually. I hated her when I met her. Same goes for Rae, who is now my hetero life mate.

[51] Who do you hate the most right now?
I don’t actually hate anyone. Except maybe George W. Bush. Or Tom Lenox on “24″. Or Fox for screwing up and/or cancelling every good show ever.

[52] Whats your mother’s middle name?
Marie

[53] What kind of car do you want?
Honda Fit, VW Beetle (old or new), VW Bus, VW Jetta, VW Cabriolet

[54] What is your favorite video game?
Katamari Damacy or any Mario Bros. game before the 64.

[55] Do you like your dad?
I adore my dad. I’m a little upset I never grew up to be a daddy’s little girl. I miss that. Too bad I’m a tomboy.

[56] Do you have any TV shows on DVD?
Buffy, Firefly, Kare Kano, The O.C. (first season, still need the rest), 24, Fraggle Rock, Chobits.

[57] Are you wearing makeup?
No. I almost never do.

[58] Do you have a tattoo?
I have 7.

[59] Have you ever broken a pinata?
I doubt it highly. I could be wrong, but if I did, it was like 19 years ago and I don’t remember it.

[60] What time is it right now?
8:29pm

[61] Do you know how to draw?
Eh, workin’ on it.

[62] Who loves orange soda?
KEL LOVES ORANGE SODA! And so do I.

[63] Who is your hero?
My grandma, my aunt Debby and my aunt Sue. My mother. My Great Yiayia. Notice a theme? Also, Fiona Apple.

[64] Who was your last IM?
My boss.

[65] Do you work a lot of hours?
HAHAHAHAHA, yes.

[66] Where were you 24 hours ago?
Sitting in Justin’s basement waiting for him and his brother and his friend Chris to get ready to go out.

[67] Who was the last person that called you?
Kerry, Justin’s sister.

And this is exactly how I feel about it:

((Comic © 2007 PvP Online))

Also, speaking of things I’m impressed with, check out the new Honda Fit. I want this car so hardcore. When I got my Hyundai Accent, I thought it was the perfect car for me. Then I saw the Fit. Now, granted, I haven’t taken it for a test drive or anything, but all I’m hoping is that they keep manufacturing it until I’ve run Neni into the ground and/or I graduate and get a new car as a gift (har har har…I’m laughing about the gift part, not the graduation part, jerks).

Anyway, that’s my 2¢ on awesome stuff lately. EVERYONE GO OUT AND VOTE TODAY OR I WILL PUNCH YOU IN YOUR EYE! *clears throat*

“Gizmodo reader/potential vampire Shaun just popped this interesting graph in our email this morning, comparing the price of HP ink to other various fluids, some bodily in nature”.

read more | digg story

read more | digg story

Read the story, it rocks so hard.

Mmm…holographic Johnny Depp…

I AM NOT ASHAMED!

And, just so I don’t go around acting like a genius, I made this at a dollmaker site: eLouai. You can also make the same dolls here: FrankenDoll, and it’s more Mac/Safari friendly.

If anyone wants to make a really good soundset for Adium with Firefly & Serenity sounds on it (not quotes…I have those now, and I have to admit, they’re getting a little annoying). If you don’t know what I’m talking about, don’t worry about it. :P

Just a little update, gotta run, sleep time.

Being back on my wireless network feels like coming home for some reason. Wow, I really AM a geek.

In other news, I bought two shirts at Old Navy the other day that TOTALLY make me look hot, and I found the best way to do my hair ever. EVER. I am a hottiepants, it’s been decided. Unfortunately, I can’t wear my hair this mystical way to work because my hair needs to be up and off my neck (stupid sanitation rules!), but days where I don’t work, I will hit everyone on the planet with a healthy dose of HottiePantsNess. Prepare yourself.

In other, much less frivolous news, I just finished reading The Jesus Mysteries, a book describing the early Gnostic Christianity and how it differs from Literalist Christianity, which became the Roman Catholic Church. It is absolutely fascinating. It’s a tiny bit sensationalist, but not enough to bother me. But it was really really good. I recommend it for anyone interested in history and religion.

That’s about it. It’s Spring Break and Tasha comes on Wednesday, yay!!!!