SeekingSolace[dot]Net

Well, I think my time in the personal blog arena may be over for a while.  I haven’t had a real update on this blog in a very long time, and I’m not really interested in keeping a blog going for the purposes of filling out annoying surveys when I’m bored.

I’ll be keeping the domain name, and I’ll probably start up a new blog in the very near future detailing my plans, preparations and activities in regards to my year of teaching in China.  I’m currently looking for a good wordpress theme for that specifically.

I guess I feel like there’s no real need for me to keep old blog posts about this or that boyfriend or this or that crappy job that I hate.  My honeymoon with “public diary writing” is long over.  I’ll probably have a professional blog when I’m a teacher, and maybe a knitting blog when I feel a little more proficient.  But there’s no reason to keep record of the blathering nonsense of my late teens and early twenties.

This is a common theme in my life; I just found some old diaries, and instead of making me feel nostalgic or “treasuring” a time when I was naive and innocent, it just made me feel like a moron who still has a long way to go.  Erika said, “Well, at least you can see how far you’ve come,” but it didn’t feel like that.  I didn’t even keep regular diary entries; I only wrote things when I was particularly insecure or angry.  There’s no real value in that, I think.  I think the real value is the woman I’ve grown into; I’m braver now (at least, I think I am…let’s see if I actually get on that plane to Hong Kong next August…).  I’m more “together” and organized…I’m more dedicated to the things I want to do (look at my GPA, for goodness’ sake…who would have imagined that I’d get grades like this?).  I’m getting a worldview and I’m starting to like it.

I didn’t burn my diaries or anything; I’m not that detached from my teenage self.  But I’m not necessarily sure they’ll be worth keeping in storage when I get back from China and find a place to move and settle into.  I’ve got my photo albums and keepsakes from high school and college; I don’t necessarily need random babbles to fill in the happy pictures with glum shadows.  And I think that finally graduating in May will really put me in a different place.  I feel it coming.  And I have hope for who I’m going to be.  I think I’m going to forgo the New Years’ resolutions this year for some post-graduation resolutions.  Things like taking more pictures, going more places, learning more languages.

Ultimately, I’m feeling some insecurities starting to shed away, and I no longer feel the need to jot down my bad days or my social inadequacies.  At this point, graduation is inevitable.  With the grades I am certain to get this semester, I will be graduating in May with at least a Theatre Design/Production degree, come hell or high water.  Student teaching, therefore, is just part of the grand experiment.  I may get in front of a classroom and love it.  I may hate it.  But I’m going to do it and learn from it and go from there.  And suddenly, the knowledge that I’m going to graduate and actually finally pass this milestone in my life means that I’m an okay person.  I am someone who is more than capable of accomplishing things; I’m capable of excelling at things.  I didn’t just go back to college and graduate.  I’ve gone back to college and I’m kicking its ass.

That being said, it has become extremely unimportant to me to live a conventional life.  All my life, up until about a year and a half ago, whatever career I chose, whatever major I chose, whatever classes I took, all were secondary to the endgame: marriage, kids, family.  It was more tangible sometimes than others; mostly depending on whether or not I was in a relationship.  I would think, “Well, I’ll move to California…and then I’ll find someone.”  Or, “We’ll move to California and settle down.”  Or, “Okay, I can’t teach in California, so I’ll go to Atlanta…I’m sure I’ll find someone there.”  It didn’t even have to be a conscious thought; it was always just an assumption.

But suddenly, I find myself single for a year and a half, which is the longest I’ve been single since 2000.  And I’m going to move back to the suburbs in January, then to China in August (with a possible trip to Greece for several weeks next summer), then I’ll be moving to Atlanta.  I used to think that this was an acceptable plan with the flexibility to be cancelled “in case” I found someone.  I used to tell myself, “Well, I’m not going to look for a boyfriend because of all this traveling,” as a way to convince myself that it was okay to be single because I have all these plans.  Now the possibility of “finding someone” is no longer a necessity, because I’ve found me.

I’ve learned that the Katie I really want to be is not a wife and mother who other people depend on so she can feel validated and useful.  Instead, the Katie I really want to be is someone who sees as much of the world as she possibly can, spreads the joy and humanity of theatre, and gets in touch with her global community and history.  None of that stuff requires a significant other or children.  But it does validate me and make me feel useful, without being dependent on another person.

Besides, I’ve got a niece to spoil to pieces, and if I become a teacher, I’ll have plenty of people who depend on me.

Interesting how I came here to write a post about shutting down the blog and then I write one of the longest blog posts I’ve ever come up with.

Look for contact information as I start to whittle down the ways I can be found on the internet to be the most useful and beneficial to me.  I’ll keep updating this blog as I work through this process, and probably deleting very old, inane posts.  I’ll probably at least blog a little through student teaching and graduation.  We’ll see.

Please, feel free to comment.  I do, in fact, miss hearing from everyone.

I held off on responding to the comments on my previous post for a while, for a few reasons. 1) I wanted to see where the comment conversation led. 2) I wanted to gather my thoughts appropriately. 3) I was busy knitting.

I’m going to respond directly to the comments before I deal with my own thoughts on the matter, so we’ll start from the top, with Joel’s comment:

It comes off as complaining to me with no real attempts at solutions.

Well, this is, after all, only ONE post from each of those blogs…there are lots of solutions posed on those blogs, you just have to…*ahem*…read the rest of the posts. My linking of these posts was really as an introduction, not so much as the be-all end-all to the problem of a patriarchy.

And most of these are social realities, not institutional or legal ones.

Does this invalidate the fact that they are realities, though? Just because there’s no law that says women must be paid less than men doesn’t change the fact that women are paid less than men. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to fix the problem. I’d also like to point out that some of the offenses against women absolutely are legal ones…or at least, they’re enacted in the legal system until someone with a brain figures it out…

The fact we’ve never had a female president, for instance, in a representative democracy where everybody has one vote, should raise some flags. I don’t believe it is because of a lack of female authority on the matter — after all, women outnumber men, and therefore have more votes — but lack of good candidates.

This, in essence, implies that the lack of female candidates is not due to the fact that women don’t/can’t/shouldn’t vote (common patriarchal assumptions), but is instead due to the fact that women suck at being politicians (also a common patriarchal assumption). It assigns no responsibility to the fact that women in politics are often treated by the media as dysfunctional, incompetent, “raging bitches,” or as the token female.

Think, for instance, about how Hillary Clinton is portrayed. When she shows no emotion and “acts like a man,” she gets derided for being cold and unfeminine. When she shows a little emotion during a coffeeshop meeting with women in New Hampshire, it’s immediately assumed both that she was crying (which she was not), and that she calculated the whole thing as a sympathy ploy. Either way, she’s screwed. She’s too feminine, not feminine enough, or downright manipulative (which is a trait frequently used to portray women).

Personally, I don’t want Hillary to be president. But it’s not because she’s a BAD candidate. She’s just as qualified as everyone else, and in fact, I think she’s more than capable of being president. Just because I disagree with some of her policies does not make her unqualified to be a candidate.

I’ll only touch briefly on the “representative democracy” and “everybody has one vote,” comments here, because I feel that the corruptions in our government are a separate (though linked) issue. Woman suffrage in this country was hotly contested by many women who thought it wasn’t a woman’s place to vote…and it’s likely that at least some of this sentiment was passed down. Also, our voter turnout is nowhere near a level at which I feel this is a representative democracy. Now, if we had compulsory voting (like in Australia), or even measures to bring up voting nationwide (Mexico, for instance, has a national holiday on voting day…everyone in the country gets the day off), and our voter turnout was very high, I’d accept the fact that it was a representative democracy. Until that happens, we can’t even begin to discuss the impact of female votes/female candidates seriously.

There are a few reasons why girls tend to stick with girl things and guys with guy things. Mainly, it’s just more comfortable, perhaps. But you don’t tend to find a lot of female software engineers, economists, scientists, or politicians; all things which I’m very interested in, but unfortunately find I can’t communicate with basically any women about.

As a female IT worker, and someone who has communicated on many levels about coding languages before, I sort of take slight to that. As much as we all like to be special, I can’t be the only female on the planet with computer skills (take for instance, my mother, who works in IT, or the head of my department, who is a female web developer). “Girl things” are more comfortable for girls because society deems it to be so. “Boy things” are more comfortable for boys for the same reason.

It’s all a question of society/culture. And those who break out of that societal expectation are ridiculed and belittled. Women who achieve success by aggressively competing in the “man’s” business world are bitches. Women who remain single or childless (or both) are frigid or unwomanly. This is also bad for men who break out of their “roles,” who are accused of being effeminate (which, you might note, makes being womanly a bad thing - both sides are losing here). Think of all the offensive terms men call each other, and you’ll find the list riddled with female body parts, terms for females, and homophobic ideas (which is another post for another time). This is society’s definition of “comfortable” gender roles. The expectations are unfair, and constantly reinforced.

Sure, the guys are a big part of the problem. Many girls get chased away from internet communities that are very male-dominated. Either the bottom 5% of people troll them, or they fawn over them, and it’s enough pressure to make them give up.

My argument is that it’s not individual actions of 5% of internet communities. It’s a societal epidemic. 5% of men certainly couldn’t keep me away from science if that was what I wanted to do. It’s the fact that girls are raised in a society that constantly bombards them with messages of female submissiveness, female sexualization, and appropriate gender roles. It’s why girls get babydolls and boys get Legos.

It grows largely out of the fear of being judged. I’ve often thought about this (especially as a future teacher; we went through a unit on female bullying at the beginning of this semester). If I have children, which, at the moment, is not preferable to me, I want to help them break down gender roles. Ideally, I want my children to live life to the fullest by being exposed to all facets of it. But I won’t be the only factor in my children’s lives (this is part of why I really don’t want to have them…I don’t trust society, frankly). I would have to isolate my daughters from all the other girls in school and in the neighborhood who play with Barbies in order to keep them from being exposed to unfair gender stereotypes and ideals (not to mention television…). I would have to isolate my sons from all the other boys who want to play war and watch pro wrestling in order to keep them from being exposed to the male expectation of violence (again, this is not including the media). When I won’t buy my daughter Bratz dolls because I think they’re offensive, or I won’t let her go to school in skimpy clothes, she’ll hate me. When I won’t let my son have toy guns because I think they promote male violence, or I won’t let him join the wrestling team, he’ll hate me. Not to mention all the opportunities it will give them to go behind my back and do these things (or worse), and continue to be inculcated into a culture that forces women into roles as sex objects, submissives, and incompetents, and forces men into roles as morons, monsters, and misogynists.

Even if I could control every aspect of my childrens’ lives and choices (hahahaha, I know), I still couldn’t control the way they would be treated in society. I lived the life unpopular in school (Joel knows this). I didn’t dress well or wear makeup, I was into nerdy things like computers, and I got picked on a lot for being in the “smart class” (even by other “smart class” girls…I was too nerdy even for them). And I would never want to subject my kids to it. Do I think it’s the right way to grow up? Absolutely. But (again, assuming I could actually control my childrens’ behavior) could I watch my daughters suffer the disdain of their classmates because their mom won’t let them wear makeup because it suggests that women aren’t beautiful in their own right? I don’t know if I could stand it. Could I watch my sons get beat up for being effeminate because their mom taught them to knit (and be productive) rather than send them to football practice (which promotes male aggression)? Absolutely not. My kids would be social pariahs and their lives would be difficult and I wouldn’t want to watch them suffer in a society that promotes values I hate.

Here we have the vicious cycle (again, this is specifically in the raising of children, not in adult actions). Teach my kids to be anti-patriarchy and watch them get tormented their whole lives, or let them buy Bratz dolls and guns and consider myself a terrible mother for allowing them to be swayed by images of female submission and male dominance. Obviously, I can teach my kids to think critically, but I’d also like to think that the legions of college-aged men who get drunk and fight each other and the legions of college-aged women who concern themselves more with appearance than school smarts had parents who attempted to teach them critical thinking as well.

Obviously, these are my opinions and interpretations. I’d be interested to see a study on the behavior/attitudes of the children of feminist parents, and see how strong an impact societal messages have on the development of childhood behaviors.

The best thing women can do for equality in these fields is to be capable in them and keep a thick skin. Trust me, men suffer a lot of criticism in these arenas as well.

Frankly, this comment astounds me. “The best thing you can do is get better at being like men, and not get offended when we deem you unworthy.” The idea that society is just like this and will never change is an idea I refuse to which I refuse to ascribe. If I bought into that idea, I wouldn’t be in theatre, or in teaching. Listen, the status quo sucks. And it’s only the status quo because we let it happen. We are human beings, we are all capable of controlling our actions and behaviors, and society is made up of us. If we don’t fix it, who the hell will?

——–

My brain hurts right now. It’s taken me 3 hours to write this post. This discussion is to be continued, but I’m very interested to hear opinions and read comments in the meantime. Please don’t be afraid to share your ideas and thoughts.

First, go watch this guy: Do Schools Today Kill Creativity?

He’s very smart and very right.

Second, when you crack your fingernail on your left-hand pointer finger, it is not a good idea to bite it down to the quick.

Third, it is even more of a bad idea to then try to knit on size 3 needles. Too bad I need to finish this Christmas present. *shakes fist at knitting*

Ken Robinson, the guy from the video, is probably smart enough NOT to bite his fingernail to the quick and then try to knit. I’m just theorizing here.

I took this survey here: http://www.dehp.net/candidate/index.php. The candidates are ranked by how much I agree with them, and then the policies that I disagree with the candidate are listed next. Frankly, I think that if Dennis Kucinich and I disagree on No Child Left Behind, we cannot possibly be friends. So I’ve bumped myself down to being a Gravel supporter. Take the test, let me know what you got. Oh, and let’s all pretend that we’re shocked that Mitt Romney is my LEAST agreed-with candidate. *eyeroll*

Kucinich 73
No Child Left Behind

Gravel 65
(you have no disagreements with this candidate)

Edwards 42
Death Penalty, No Child Left Behind, Patriot Act, Iran - Military Action, Same-Sex Marriage

Obama 41
Patriot Act, Border Fence, Same-Sex Marriage

Richardson 41
Death Penalty, Assault Weapons Ban, Patriot Act, Iran - Military Action, Same-Sex Marriage

Clinton 37
Death Penalty, No Child Left Behind, Patriot Act, Border Fence, Iran - Military Action, Same-Sex Marriage

Dodd 32
Death Penalty, No Child Left Behind, Patriot Act, Border Fence, Iran - Military Action

Biden 29
Death Penalty, No Child Left Behind, Patriot Act, Border Fence, Same-Sex Marriage

Paul -2
McCain -16
Giuliani -24
Thompson -31
Cox -31
Huckabee -47
Brownback -54
Tancredo -67
Hunter -68
Romney -70

Okay, here’s a really simple way to find out which candidates share your views. This script is composed entirely of data collected by www.2decide.com. Enter your choices below and hit GO to rank the candidates.

Here’s how it works, if you want to know. If you agree with a candidate, he gets point(s). If you disagree, take point(s) away. Unkown/other results in no points. The number of points given or taken depends on the weight you set. “Meh” is worth 1 point, “important” 2, and “key” is worth 5. The items you disagree about will be listed directly underneath each candidate (if they score greater than zero).

I swear, the rest of the Dragon*Con pics are coming! It’s slow going. Meantime, Erika sent me this in email, so I’m going to fill it out here.

1. What do you have in the back seat of your car?
Nothing! It’s clean! For once!

2. When was the last time you threw up?
End of June.

3. What’s your favorite curse word?
Frack.

4. Name one person who made you smile today?
No one, but I haven’t really talked to a lot of people. It’s still early.

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Showering.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Sitting at my desk, waiting for a program to install on a Mac for a faculty member.

7. If you could marry any celebrity today who would it be?
Johnny Depp. Though, honestly, I could list at least 12.

8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
No.

9. What is the last thing you said aloud?
“Okay,” to my boss. He asked me to let him know when a program was done installing.

10. What is the best ice cream flavor?
Mississippi Mudd.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Raspberry and Chocolate Hot Cocoa. I’m going to have some more as soon as I’m done with this survey.

12. What are you wearing right now?
A light blue dress with dark blue polka dots, brown flats, a gray sweater, and an off-white Old Navy fleece jacket.

13. What was the last thing you ate?
Raisin bread with cream cheese. Luckily, I have not had to murder Erika yet, as she has not tried to eat any of it.

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
The dress I’m wearing, and two shirts.

15. When was the last time you ran?
My freshman year at FSU. I went to the health center and ran a mile. Like actually ran it. And I didn’t die or anything. I really wish I’d kept that up.

16. What’s the last sporting event you watched?
The Padres/Dodgers game in San Diego.

17. Last movie you saw in theaters?
The Simpsons Movie.

18. Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace?
Brandon, to tell him he needs to record a song for me before he leaves.

19. Ever go camping?
Yeah, I used to all the time.

20. Were you ever an honor roll student in school?
A long time ago. Grade school was probably the last time, maybe Jr. High.

21. Do you like sushi?
I love it.

22. Do you have a tan?
Sort of. I have naturally olive skin from being a swarthy Greek. But sometimes it’s pretty light.

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
If it’s a fountain drink.

25. Are you in love?
No.

26. Are you someone’s best friend?
Numerous people, as far as I can tell.

28. Where is your mom right now?
Probably at work, fixing people’s computers.

30. What color is your watch?
I don’t have a watch. I need to get a new one.

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
The Rescuers Down Under, The Crocodile Hunter, “Ding dong goes the dingo!” from Jason Economus’ O.C. my junior year

32. Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
Yeah, lots of times. I love roller coasters.

33.What is your birthstone?
Garnet.

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
Usually drive-thru.

35. What is your favorite number?
17

36. Do you have a dog?
No, but I have had them in the past.

43. What does your first memory of your sister involve?
I don’t have a sister. So N/A, I guess.

44. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
U.S. History homework. I don’t think I should have to do three writing assignments every week for a 100-level class that only meets twice. It’s just too much, and I keep falling asleep in my books or during the movies I’m supposed to be watching.

45. Last phone call?
Erika, asking me to make her a margarita for when she got home. Oh, except I got a message from Student Health Services today, too, about insurance information. But I don’t think that counts.

46. Are you allergic to anything?
Sometimes pollen, but very very mildly.

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
Chucks.

48. What is one thing you’ve learned about life recently?
I’ve learned how to stop prolonging my misery. Now, putting it into practice may be easier said than done, but we’ll see.

49. Are you jealous of anyone?
People who aren’t in U.S. History.

50. Is anyone jealous of you?
Unlikely.

51. Do You own an iPod?
Yesh.

52. Do any of your friends have children?
No. Unless you count Rae’s dogs. But my brother and sister-in-law are expecting at the end of January.

54. What do you work as?
Student worker in the IT department at the College of Arts and Sciences, and seamstress at a bridal shop.

55. Do you hate anyone right now?
I’d like to think that I don’t actually hate anyone.

58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
26.

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Yeah, I should go again soon.

60. How did you get one of your scars?
I have three scars with decent stories. One, on the front of my shin, is from shaving when I was like…14. I sliced my leg open and didn’t notice until later, and you can totally still tell where it happened. Another, I was skateboarding (which was not a common activity for me) and I hit a wire in the street and flew off, did a 180 in the air and skidded on my elbow. The first one I ever had was where I got hit in the face with a rusty shovel that some kids had dug out of a creek and were sliding down a playground slide. I was really little. My dad, the eternal hockey player, just put a butterfly bandage on it. Awesome. Though I think that scar gets a little harder to see every year.

————————————-

1. Do you wear a name tag at work?
No, thank God.

2. What kind of car do you drive?
2003 Hyundai Accent 2-door hatchback.

3. What do you order when you go to Taco Bell?
3 Tacos Supreme meal, hard shell

4. Have you ever had a garage sale?
Yeah, lots of times.

5. Is/was your best friend a cheerleader?
No, but Kimmy was in Poms in Jr. High.

6. What is your best friend’s favorite color to decorate with?
Do “Hanson Posters” and “Stuffed Animals” count as colors? Kimmy also likes blue, so she might decorate in those colors. Erika likes blue and brown, she decorates in those colors a lot. I don’t know so much about Tim. He doesn’t really decorate in colors.

7. What’s the most unique thing you have in your room?
A collector’s trading card with a piece of Chief Galen Tyrol’s flight suit in it. By nature, that’s probably the most unique thing.

8. What’s your mom’s mom’s name?
Angeline.

9.Do your bed sheets match your room?
Now they do! I bought some solid ones to match the color scheme in my room.

10. What’s the color scheme?
Green/black/white. It’s sort of Asian-themed.

11. What kind of cell phone do you have?
LG something or other.

12. What color is your iPod?
White.

13.. What kind of dog do you have?
I don’t have a dog, I have two ratties.

14. Have your older brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?
No, they haven’t.

15. What is your favorite key chain on your keys?
The Strong Badia Stop Sign

16.Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear?
Yeah, my mom and Kimmy for sure. Someone else may have.

17. What DVD is in your DVD player?
Fraggle Rock Season 2 Disc 4.

18. What’s something fun you did today?
Costume Design class is always fun. I enjoy that. I’ve also been walking around with my headphones on blasting awesome music. Does that count?

19. Who was the principal of your high school?
Dr. Jack Elliott, who tried to set me up with his son once. Ah, memories. Seriously, you’d think having the principal as your small group chaperone in New Orleans would suck. You would be wrong. Dr. Jack Elliott was awesome.

20. Has your house ever been TP’d?
Haha, yeah, and once by me. Oh, me and my high school friends were completely ridiculous.

21. What are you listening to right now?
Nothing. I’m in my office. I wish I had a way to hook up my iPod right now, but alas. I WAS listening to “Show Me” by Cham Pain on the way into the office.

22.. What is your favorite aisle at Wal-Mart?
Back in the day, the fabric aisle, but that is no longer extant. *shakes fist at Wal-Mart* CURSE YOU! Where will I get $1 fabric now?!?!

23.. When is your mom’s birthday?
March 9th

24. When is your dad’s birthday?
November 12th

25.. What’s the area code for your cell phone?
309

26. What did you get for valentine’s day?
Nothing.

27. Where did you buy the shirt you’re wearing now?
Dress. And I bought it at Bergner’s.

28. Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror?
Worry beads from Greece (which are sorely drained of color due to constant sun exposure) and a little angel that used to hang in my Grandma Adele’s car.

29. Favorite class last year?
History of Chinese Civilization, and Theatre History.

30. How many states in the US have you been to?
27 (if you count D.C.)

31. Which ones?
Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, New Mexico, New York, South Dakota, Ohio, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, Washington D.C., Wisconsin.

32. What kind of milk do you drink?
Skim.

33 What are you going to do after this?
Work some more, then I have two more classes today, one of which is horrible, and the other of which is fabulous.

34. Who was the last person you went shopping with?
Erika on Saturday, for the Halloween party and our costumes.

35 What is your favorite fruit?
Plums or cherries or peaches or apricots or pears or raspberries. No such thing as one favorite fruit.

36 What about your favorite dessert?
Chocolate Rush from Friday’s (R.I.P.).

37 What is something you need to go shopping for?
Nothing right now. Except maybe milk.

38. Do you have the same name as one of your relatives?
Similar names to my aunts Kathy and Sue. Though my brother and two of my cousins either have dated, are currently dating, or married a Katie of some kind or another. We call my brother’s girlfriend “Dave’s Katie,” which is cute.

39. What is your mom’s mom’s maiden name???
Sarelas.

40. Do you like pickles?
Yes. Especially sweet and sour pickles.

41. How about olives?
Yeeeees, so much. Kalamata olives in particular, but also black olives and manzanilla olives.

42. What is your favorite kind of gum?
Orbit Raspberrymint

43. What is your favorite kind of juice?
Orange, apple, or grapefruit. I’ve also trained myself to drink excessive amounts of cranberry juice if necessary.

44. Do you have any tan lines?
Yeah, on my shoulders. I think next summer I’m just going to go strapless the whole time, if I can manage it. I hate big strap/halter tan lines.

45. What hospital were you born in?
Northwest Community Hospital in Arlington Heights, IL

46. Do you remember the name of your kindergarten teacher?
Ms. Lyons.

47. What bank do you go to?
ISU Credit Union or Chase

48. Do you have someone in your life that you want to be with?
No.

49. Do you have a friend you secretly want to have no strings sweaty sex with?
No.

50. At your funeral, what would you want people to remember you most for?
Helping others and/or being a revolutionary. Fabulous costume designs. :P

((If you like this article, please go vote for it at: Section 504 and why it makes me angry on ThisIsBy.Us.))

I’ve got to say, for a liberal, I can be quite conservative sometimes.

Here I am, minding my own business, reading my Educational Psychology textbook. The class, despite all the protestations of the teacher, is essentially just another methods class. We talked about most of this stuff in my first Curriculum & Instruction class.

Anyway, I’m reading a chapter entitled “Learner Differences and Learning Needs.” Herein, I shall quote directly (my citation to the textbook is the last part of the blockquote below):

Examples of Accommodations Under Section 504
The types of accommodations that can be written into a Section 504 plan are almost without limit. Some accommodation may relate to physical changes in the learning environment (for example, air filters are installed to remove allergens). However, many students who have Section 504 plans have functional impairments related to their learning or behavior, and their needs are somewhat similar to those of students with disabilities. The following is a sample of instructional accommodations that could be incorporated into a Section 504 plan:

• Seat the student nearest to where the teacher does most of his/her instruction.
• Have the student sit next to a peer who can help as needed.
• Seat the student away from the distractions of doorways or windows.
• Fold assignments in half so that the student is less overwhelmed by the quantity of work.
• Make directions telegraphic, that is, concise and clear.
• Allow use of a calculator or tape recorder.
• Use voice recognition software on the computer for written assignments.
• Mark right answers instead of wrong ones.
• Send a set of textbooks to be left at home so that the student does not have to remember to bring books from school.
• Provide books on tape so that the student can listen to assignments instead of reading them.

If you review these items, you can see that many of them just make good instructional sense. They are effective instructional practices that help learners with special needs succeed in your classroom.

---

Source: From Including Students with Special Needs: A Practical Guide for Classroom Teachers, 3/e by Marilyn Friend & William D. Bursuck. Published by Allyn and Bacon, Boston, MA. Copyright © 2002 by Pearson Education. Adapted by permission of the publisher.

---

Woolfolk, Anita. Educational Psychology. 10th ed. Boston, MA: Allyn and Bacon, 2007.

The book goes on to state that, “Two major groups are considered for Section 504 accommodations: students with medical or health needs such as diabetes, drug addiction, severe allergies, communicable diseases, temporary disabilities resulting from accidents, or alcoholism, and students with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, if they are not already covered by IDEIA.”

I’m not even going to talk about folding the paper in half and giving students an extra set of textbooks so they won’t have to worry about forgetting theirs at home. That’s too easy.

Listen, two of my brothers have been diagnosed with ADHD. I still don’t know how I feel about the overdiagnosis of the disease, and frankly, I still think it’s a convenient excuse for bad parenting, bad teaching, lazy students, under-challenged students, and other various problems that could be solved with hard work on somebody’s part, rather than a pill. But giving a student an audiobook alternative to his/her reading assignments is simply doing a disservice to the student, even those students who may legitimately have chemical imbalances that make it very difficult for them to succeed at school despite their best efforts. Giving children easy ways out of education can in no way benefit them. And most of these kids are probably receiving other forms of treatment for ADHD, so Ritalin (or any other of a variety of treatments) in addition to no reading assignments cannot possibly be a helpful situation. What about preparing them for the world? Will a student with ADHD be able to go to a state university and get their textbooks on audiobook? Or get into the “real world” and get company memos and manuals in audiobook form?

The conservative right is pushing for literacy and “proficiency” in every subject for every single child ever put through the public school, no matter their Socio-Economic Status, their learning abilities, their previous knowledge and schooling, or their school district. They want to standardize everything and turn everyone into barely competent (but literate!) robots who can read and do math to grade level but not much else.

The liberal left is attempting to make every child’s course through school as easy as is possible, reducing all amounts of stress and making sure nobody feels left out or picked on or any different from anyone else in any way. They want every child individually educated; one student hates to read, so instead they get audiobooks. Another student feels bad at getting an F, despite having put no effort into the assigment; therefore, we grade only in positives, marking on the paper only when something good has been done. According to this philosophy, no value judgment should be passed on anyone ever.

Ideally, I believe we shouldn’t pass judgment on people based on their ability to do geometry or read Chaucer, especially if they are happy in their life. Mechanics are far more brilliant and meticulous than I am, though some of them have never seen the inside of a high school, having gone straight into the work force, and may not even be able to read; but they keep our society moving. There is value inherent in everyone, as long as they work to their potential. And forcing children through a system that is only concerned with the Almighty Standardized Test Score will accomplish nothing but the “mediocritizing” of America. But pampering children to make their lives easy teaches them that they don’t have to work to their potential; they can skim by and get help at every step of the way. This accomplishes the same mediocrity by continuing to allow students to do the least required of them.

So where is the middle ground?

Obviously, there are children with disabilities who legitimitely need extra education and special considerations made to make sure that they learn, and to help them work to their potential. And there are gifted students who currently coast through school without the appropriate challenges to their intelligence, leaving them underachieving and unmotivated (I would know…I was one of them). And yes, students should be dealt with as individually as is possible to ensure that they receive a good, solid education.

But I believe the middle ground lies in the word, “expectations.” I believe that we, as educators, parents and members of society, should EXPECT our students to do their best. We should not coddle them, or overwork them, but we should give them enough assistance to be able to do things on their own. First of all, self-efficacy is a large factor in how much students learn (from what I have been taught). The belief that we can do something, in large part, determines whether or not we can. As ridiculous as it may seem, the saying plastered on motivational merchandise ad nauseum, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right,” is true. Therefore, students should be taught to think they can. They should not be taught that if it’s too hard, you can get it in audiobook. Nor should they be taught that if you feel bad because your spelling is not great, you can use voice recognition software and never have to write again.

They should be taught that the red marks on the page show you where there’s room for improvement, and that’s okay. If we don’t grow and improve, we’re stagnant, and that is most definitely not good for society. We should be challenged to improve ourselves at all times, and if that means a few red marks or the occasional well-deserved “F,” then so be it.

Post-Script:
My fourth-grade teacher, I’m sure, would be horrified to see how many sentences I began with “and” or “but” in this article. The retribution will likely be swift.

I love being marginalized. It’s my favorite. Part of the bonus of being on the fringes of society is that I get to have my righteous indignation when people offend the career I have chosen, and my interests and abilities. So witness my righteous indignation. This is a paraphrase, but some of the wording is almost exactly word-for-word: “You need to communicate with the other faculty and make connections and allies. I always think of the theatre people here, because very often, students in the margins really like theatre.” Way to make us sound like the dustbin of education. Also, it’s making a very large assumption about a good portion of the population of theatre-involved students. Flames are shooting out of my eyeballs. Right now. Normal’s on fire. Everyone flee.

“Use an immature and ineffective “knowledge telling” strategy when writing - each written thought or idea generates the next (sequential chaining).”

This was a description in one of my Curriculum & Instruction assignments of students who are “struggling writers” in their education. The unit is based on Assistive Technologies for students with learning, physical and mental disabilities.

Guess what, folks. That’s how I write. That’s how I’ve written since I got out of high school (maybe since I dropped out of FSU…I don’t remember any of the papers I wrote there). The last time a class emphasized the structure of the papers we wrote was Communications 110 last semester, and every paper I wrote there felt contrived and stupid. I write in a rambling sort of way. And yet, I have not been marked down for it at all in any recent memory. In college, I’m sure teachers are more interested in subject matter than in writing competency (outside of grammar, spelling and basic structure), but still…I thought I was a rather well-educated person, with good paper-writing skills. I’ve been getting good grades on papers as long as I remember. But maybe I’m just not that great at it, and no one’s been slapping my wrists about it.

In my textbook, there was also a section about “gifted and talented” students. I was one of those. Starting in 2nd grade, I got pulled out of classes to do creative outside work in the “Creative Learning Room”. In 5th grade, I got sent to a different elementary school to be in “the smart class” as we called it. In 7th and 8th grade, I was brought back in with all my old classmates, but still in the “smart” track. I don’t really remember taking many honors classes in high school, though. I took one AP course, but never took the test (because I was doing poorly).

Anyway, it states in the book that if given inadequate teaching, “gifted and talented” students may become “gifted underachievers, with social and emotional problems linked to boredom and lack of education.” That’s a pretty accurate description of me up until last year, which leads me to believe that maybe harder material in the smart classes doesn’t always equate to better achievement or appropriate education for students like me.

It’s just scary, when you look into teaching, and you find all these little mechanisms at work that shaped who you are as a person.

Creepy.

Okay, so I’ve written this post once already. But my dad’s scrollmouse is WAY RETARDED and instead of scrolling up the page, it went back a page and deleted everything I wrote. And it was relatively huge. I’m going to try and recreate it, but I can’t promise the same zest and/or vigor as in the original.

I realized as I was using my dad’s computer that if you are running Internet Explorer, you might not realize that there are a bunch of links and archives and stuff in the right-hand column of this site. Apparently, IE pushes it out of the way, down to the bottom. If you have to scroll to the bottom to see my links or my photobadge from Flickr, you need to switch to Firefox. It’s a brilliant browser, trust me (and you don’t have to mount the program in Mac anymore like you used to!).

Being home for longer than 14 hours is weird. I took Friday off of school and decided to come home Thursday night and stay until Saturday morning, because my cousin Jared is in town. He just finished his Master’s at Manchester and stopped in Chicago for the week on his way home to Arizona. I have to admit, I’m really rather jealous. I mean, at this rate, I’d be 29 before I got my Master’s if I went for it right after I graduated. And I really need to start teaching if I’m ever going to retire. Jared’s going to take a year off to work and to apply to post-grad programs for his Ph.D. If that goes according to plan, he will have his Ph.D. the year after I have my B.S. in Theatre Education (with a minor in History Education). He’s also a year younger than me. Talk about depressing. I could feasibly get my Master’s while I teach, but I’m pretty convinced that trying to do that in the first year or two of teaching (which will be stressful enough) could conceivably kill me.

Speaking of teaching, I did my first observations at Normal Community High School this week and after getting over the initial anxiety, it was pretty phenomenal and I can’t wait to start teaching. I really do think this is my calling. I’m looking forward to seeing what kind of teacher I become.

Also, my great-uncle Bob might take me to China sometime in the relatively near future. Apparently he’s been before with my great-aunt Mary, and she hated it, but he loved it. We got talking about China at lunch today and he said he thinks he’s got about 170,000 frequent flyer miles stashed up. Later, as we were about to leave, he said, “You know, I’m half-serious about this China thing. I might not be able to move as quickly as I did 20 years ago, but I would really love to go back.” I told him to sign me up. How bad-ass would that be? And I love my Uncle Bob, he’s a former educator, very personable, and just an all-around great guy.

How’s that for an update (TWICE, even!), you selfish bastards?

Also, here are the lyrics to a song I heard for the first time tonight and I think I may have never heard a song whose lyrics fit me so well. I’m not sure if they’re exactly right (you can never trust lyrics sites and his official website doesn’t have lyrics), but I’m too lazy right now to go out and get my iPod to double-check them [EDIT: I checked now, and I made a change or two, but I'm pretty sure this is accurate.].

Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk by Rufus Wainwright

Cigarettes and chocolate milk
These are just a couple of my cravings
Everything it seems I like’s a little bit stronger
A little bit thicker, a little bit harmful for me

If I should buy jellybeans
Have to eat them all in just one sitting
Everything it seems I like’s a little bit sweeter
A little bit fatter, a little bit harmful for me

And then there’s those other things
Which for several reasons we won’t mention
Everything about them is a little bit stranger, a little bit harder
A little bit deadly

It isn’t very smart
Tends to make one part
So broken-hearted

Sitting here remembering me
Always been a shoe made for the city
Go ahead accuse me of just singing about places
Where scrappy boy’s faces have general run of the town

Playing with prodigal sons
Takes a lot of sentimental valiums
Can’t expect the world to be your Raggedy Andy
While running on empty, you little old doll with a frown

You got to keep in the game
Maintaining mystique while facing forward
I suggest a reading of “A Lesson In Tightropes”
Or “Surfing Your High Hopes” or “Adios Kansas”

It isn’t very smart
Tends to make one part
So broken-hearted

Still there’s not a show on my back
Holes are a friendly intervention
I’m just a little bit heiress, a little bit Irish
A little bit Tower of Pisa
Whenever I see ya
So please be kind if I’m a mess

Cigarettes and chocolate milk
Cigarettes and chocolate milk