SeekingSolace[dot]Net

With half an hour to spare, this is my Holidailies post #8.

I had my first night on the floor tonight, and I did well. I made $61. Yeah, I know that it’s mainly because I worked 9 hours rather than the usual 5 at Chili’s, but the point is that I’m getting those hours. Also, that’s just about 20% on my sales. I was making about 12% on my sales at Chili’s. Maybe I was just unhappy there. I don’t know, call me crazy, but working at Denny’s feels like coming home. I’ve spent a large chunk of my life in a Denny’s, so I feel like I belong there. Plus, I’ve already made friends, and that’s always a plus. I like the managers (I mean, they have their faults like every other manager, but they’re much more tolerable than the other ones I’ve worked with, e.g. Evelina), I like the staff, I love the food (cuz I’m nuts), and it’s just all around better. I worked 9 hours and it felt like 5. And on top of that, we were dead for a long time, so the time STILL flew. All in all, it’s just better.

Being the type of person I am, I don’t usually listen to new music. I stick to my CDs, NPR, classic rock and the like. And also being the type of person I am, I tend to read into songs and see how they apply to my life. This works especially well with Alanis Morrisette, Fiona Apple, Jewel, Janis Joplin, Joni Mitchell and other grrrl rockers I idolize. I had a theory today. If a song or part of a song particularly applies to my life at the time, it’s kind of like a tarot reading or a horoscope. You know how they say any horoscope can apply to anyone at any time and that’s why they’re a farce? I disagree. I think we read our own meanings into tarot and horoscopes and then we motivate ourselves to apply the change suggested or look out for the pitfalls warned about. It’s not about how “perfect” a reading is, it’s about how it makes you as an individual feel. So as I was listening to Alanis on the way home, a particular part of a song hit me as appropriate to my current situation, and I thought I would copy it down. Ironically enough, one of the other songs I felt applied was the same song I felt applied to when I broke up with John, and that was a COMPLETELY different situation. Just interesting how certain songs can make you feel the same way over and over again. Anyway, without further ado, here is the song, with the particular part that hit me bolded:

“unsent” by alanis morrisette

dear matthew, i like you a lot.
i realize you’re in a relationship with someone right now,
and i respect that.
i would like you to know that if you’re ever single in the future,
and you want to come visit me in california,
i would be open to spending time with you,
and finding out how old you were when you wrote your first song.

dear jonathan, i liked you too much.
i used to be attracted to boys who would lie to me,
and think solely about themselves,
and you were plenty self-destructive for my taste at the time.
i used to say, ‘the more tragic the better.’
the truth is, whenever i think of the early 90s,
your face comes up with a vengeance like it was yesterday.

dear terrance, i love you muchly.
you’ve been nothing but open-hearted,
and emotionally available and supportive,
and nurturing, and consummately there for me.
i kept drawing you in and pushing you away,
i remember how beautiful it was to fall asleep on your couch,
and cry in front of you for the first time.
you were the best platform from which to jump beyond myself.
what was wrong with me?

dear marcus, you rocked my world.
you had a charismatic way about you with the women,
and you got me seriously thinking about spirituality.
and you would let me get away with kicking my own ass.
but i could never really feel relaxed,
and looked out for around you, though,
and that stopped us from going any further than we did.
and it’s kinda too bad,
because we could’ve had much more fun.

dear lou, we learned so much.
i realize we won’t be able to talk for some time,
and i understand that as i do you.
the long distance thing was the hardest,
and we did as well as we could.
we were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives.
i will always have your back and be curious about you,
about your career,
your whereabouts.

Now on to watch The O.C. and Reunion.